Venting

So…I’ve been thinking…about why things are the way they are. When I went to New Orleans I had a conversation with this little boy who was like 14 in the 7th or 8th grade. His school had seven cops (who carried guns and looked soooo mean!), a metal detector with only about 150 students. I asked him how he felt about the cops and he told me that he felt like he was “bad”. I thought about that for a moment and decided that I wouldn’t sugar coat it for him. I told him that things are the way they are not because he is “bad” or because he deserves it but because he is a young black man. I ended up telling him that it will be hard for him to receive adequate education and he will have to work twice as hard as his white counterparts because he is black. I told him it wasn’t just him- its all of us! Especially black men. It’s even harder for black men because they, more than women, are a threat to white supremacy. If the black man was adequately educated, was raised in adequate living conditions, and supported properly, he would once again rule the world. But instead they build our housing developments with gates (that remind us of jail) put seven or more officers in middle schools, put cameras on our streets (B-More and DC), and these cops walk around on their horses as if they are overseers! All subconsciously telling us that we are “bad” and destined to be unsuccessful. I agree that we must rise above our circumstances however when certain things are imbedded in your perception of yourself it becomes hard to understand and overcome to OVERSTAND the barriers that have been implemented to keep us in our place. Its all tactics. Its all poliTRICKS. So they’ve tried to erase our history so we wont know how great our forefathers were. When we think about math we think about Pythagorean instead of the Egyptians; when we think of philosophers we think of the Greeks; they’ve even convinced us that our history started with slavery. We don’t know who we are but they do. Therefore we continue to fall into the traps that have been set for us. So for those who have not been inspired to rise above their circumstances likely indulge in criminal activity as a result of economic misery. In the end, we are killing not only ourselves but each other. Sooooooo- I’m convinced that they know who we are- they only problem is we don’t. If we knew what we were capable of and acknowledged the possibility of success as reality then things wouldn’t be they way they are. Do you agree???

Words

Sometimes...I wish I knew exactly what to say with the hopes that you would understand me clearly. I just want to use the right adjectives, verbs, and nouns so that you can truly know what I mean. Feel what I feel, see things as I see it, hear it when I say it, and understand that I mean it. But most of the time, Im at a lost for words. Sooo words turn into verbs and thus I've found that Im way better at showing you. Because I cant speak. I would write it down but I think you may think that its elementary. Sooo I dont know. How can I put it in a way for you to just understand. Damn...how can I say this. Because you think you know but you have no idea. Erykah said, what good do your words do if they cant understand you. So now Im thinkin, maybe its you. Maybe we choose what we hear and what we dont. Thus, it wouldnt matter if I broke it down in laments terms or not because irregardless, your gonna do your thing and only hear pieces that you can refut so that you can maintain your defense. I hate defense mechanisms. Sooooo here is the solution, I will just stop. try. ing. Maybe my silence will speak for me. Hopefully.

Measurments

The only man who behaves sensibly is my tailor. He takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go with their old measurements n expect me to fit them…

Hmmm some would say…that I don’t measure up
My 36-24-35 isnt enough
So they expect
Me to accept my “old measurements” and stifle the possibility of evolution
Nope…

Deep down, I am a southern lady who has adapted to life in the city
Seasoned with plenty of flavor but mostly lost in the sauce…
A kaleidoscope of intrinsic colors but mixed in just right to form a shade of caromel brown...
Some may see it as a natural disaster but my afro is really my crown...
Honestly, I'm an introvert with extroverted tendencies
I love big words but without singing the song, I cant say my ABCs
A lover of companionship but married to the idea of continuous personal space
I know Ima champ but most of the time I feel like im the turtle in the race
So I plan to trip up my opponents but stay steady on my own pace
I may have been upset about you being with someone else but I laughed hysterically when I saw her face lol...
For real for real, I bare my soul in every situation
For real for real, Im real to the core and could be brutally honest with no hesitation
Im fresh as fabrize but I will leave you gasping for air
I only apologize when absolutly necessary cuz most of the time I dont care
Like MC Lite, Im hard as a rock but I just try to let it flow
Often times I feel like Im drowning even when Im holding on...I gotta let it go
Anyway
I say
Fuck the police cuz currently Im speeding in the fast lane
I use the word motherfucker from time to time but I dare not use the Lords name in vain
That is a shame
But please believe Im subject to change
I've come to reconcile with the face that never, ever will I be
Picture perfect like B
Instead I'll prolly maintain myself as little short crack in the ass of society
And with all that being said, anew you can once again measure me

*So whats my over all point??? I'm a real, live gemini. Two dynamic sides of one incredible young woman. I change...you change...hopefully we'll change together

hmmmm

Sunny skys
92 degrees
Melody of his music in my mind
Im
just high
of the possibilities...
Mango juice and conscious conversation
Laughter, meditation and relaxation
felt like a vacation
intoxication
from the possibilities...
Beautiful faces and green leaves
Getting more familiar with the earth
sittin under the trees
Daydreaming of days like these
he's...
not smellin himself but he's definitely fresh
refreshingly different better than the rest
alas the best
or the prototype for what should be
it may not go anywhere or it might go far
hopeful in the possibilities...

Mixtape about nothing

you are a lovely creation
and I am too
but when we mix it can be disaturious
Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad
Did the good out weight the bad??? I dont know, but I dont want to know...anymore

Thats just somethin i wanted to get off my chest. My weekend was pretty good and this week wasnt half bad either. I was a finalist over the weekend and I think I did well on my exam today so here's hopin...
Omm yes, I like a boy...and he likes me back lol-its wierd to say the least. I wont speak on it, we will see
I love my mother but she tried me monday. Its a good thing I was raised right or else she woulda got slapped!
My uncle lost his best friend yesterday- got me thinkin about my own. Hmmm what if I never met NeChell??? Scary thought
Ok this is about nothing so Im out

Freedom

WE DONT CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY
Can I talk my shit again Kanye???
I think that its time......
To remind.....
you....
and anyone like you...
that I dont care about your thoughts of me..
at all.
period
I run my life
At allllll times.
I dont believe in conformity under any circumstances
I think that a lot of people allow others to influence so much that they loose who they are in their quest to establish ourselves as individuals.
I dont have that problem
Falling victim to rules, norms, lablesssss instead of sayin fuck it and doing what they want to do. We sometimes tend to ask for opinions instead of goin off our own instincts.
Why do so many people need validation??? Its quite stupid, in my opinion.
I dont try to fit in
I dont try to be different either
But im free
Never a victim
To labels that people try to put on me
People put lables on others because they themselves fit into the boxes that they will try to put you into
Dont let em do it, and if they choose to anyway, say fuck it and continue to do you
That how I run my life
And I do it because I am the most important person in my life right now
I say what I want, do what I want, all the time
I may share myself with some people but i belong to meeee
I use all the hot water when i shower....
so thanks for tuning in
peace

The 11th

A friend inspired me to look up some numerology. Sooo
Today is the 11th- 1 and 1 meaning unity, beginning, focused concentration, action, independence, positive. I am in a good mood today. I dont know what Im gonna do after work- i have no clue. I want to see someone special but, im not sure. I wish I could remember my dream last night! I was laughing so hard. Maybe thats why Im in a good mood. I've often thought that God gives us messages or signals through dreams. That dreams have purpose, just like life. Maybe since I cant remember what it was, the purpose was for me to have a positive and productive day, no matter how it ends up. Perhaps...
I think that...i need a change of scenery...once more vacay should do. Kinda wish that...I had someone special to go with...im sure that he is long gone. But I need some beach action asap.
This is def. a blog about nothing... Shout out to Chaunece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heart my friends like no other- they're all I really have :)
I am selective in my friendships because they are reflections of me. each of my friends offer of different side of myself. NeChell, the side of me that needs to be unleased- the side that can go off at any moment...Rashidah, the cool calm and collected side...Chaunece, my goofy side...B Lat...my emotional side...everyone else has plays a part too but those 4 are the ones that most represent half of 2 halves of me as a gemini. They are my butterflies and bumblebees...
Til next time